I was at a social event the other day and I was introduced to someone who could only be described as a horrible person. I was talking to my friend and recommending some restaurants I knew in the area he lived but which he had never visited.
Attribution: Flickr - Surian Soosay
The horrible person was pulling faces at everything I said, trying to question why I should possibly know any restaurants in that area and insisting I give detailed information about the restaurants where I lived and challenged me on not having lived in that city for more than a few years.
At one point she even was angry because I looked at my phone while she was talking to someone else. When I said "sorry" and paid attention to her, she just told me to be quiet and went back to ignoring me because she didn't want to talk to me, only to stop me using my phone.
If you want to be like this person, then here is the guide becoming a truly horrible person.
Time: It only takes a few minutes to learn how to be a horrible person
Materials Lack of social skills
Dislike of other people
At every comment people make, don't bother making it feel like you care about them or what they are saying. Instead pull all sorts of horrible faces to let them know that you don't like talking to them or anyone.
Attribution: Flickr - Rachel Carter
Remember the trick is to make sure that it appears that the conversation is causing you physical pain. That will really demonstrate how terrible you are as a person.
Interrupt other people's conversations with negative statements
I don't mind, in fact I love it, when people jump into my conversations and contribute interesting statements and information. But if you want to be a horrible person, always make sure you wait until you have something negative to say. The more fun they are having with the conversation the more they will appreciate your total negativity.
Attribution: Flickr - Bryan Rosengrant
I have seen some pretty horrible people pull this trick. One person spent the whole day talking over the top of every conversation that other people were having and making just stating contradictions for everything said, even to the point of making up random contradictions only loosely related to the conversation.
Pull a power play
This is more likely if you are a manager but anytime you have some power over other people, use it to show people that you are an truly disgusting person. It is the "I am talking my ball and going home" approach to being an A-hole.
The normal situation is a manager replying to any opinion in a contradictory manner. Bad bosses show you that they don't respect you at work by not respecting anything about your life or experience. However there are plenty of other opportunities to use a power play. The best option is when you are a customer. Ask for anything loudly while threatening to post negative online reviews to make sure everyone knows how much of an A-hole you are.
Be loudly uninformed
Okay, this is something everyone does, including myself. However the truly horrible person in not only uninformed but are continually vocal about how wrong everyone else is because they have never heard of what is being said.
Attribution: Flickr - Norm4nNorm4l
This happened to me recently while working on my Master's degree. We had to peer review each other's essays. The person peer reviewing me said about one point "It can't be right because I have never heard of this". This was despite the fact that I provide a reference on the topic and statement.
To really go from small "a" a-hole to capital "A" A-hole, wait until they respond with information and logic, then just keep repeating that you don't think so, you have never heard that, and that you refuse to listen to them. That will show them who you really are.
It turns out that complaining is a good way to build bonds with people. However the horrible person doesn't just complain, they hate. They become really angry at the thought of just about everything.
Attribution: Flickr - Saurabh Vyas
There are classic things to become angry about, including other races and cultures, the unemployed, but if you want the gold medal in the A-hole Olympics you have to hate people for being different from you. For example, I met someone recently who hated that people out there would vote in elections in a way that was different to the way he voted.
The grandmaster A-hole will actually hate people for being exactly like them. Find something terrible that you do and then accuse everyone else of doing it, whether it is true or not.
Always talk about how petty and selfish you are
Let's face it, most of us have some petty and selfish characteristics. However the A-hole will tell everyone just how petty and selfish they are.
This is the manager who brags about firing staff because they had a problem at home that distracted them from their work for a few days, or rents out rooms in their house and kick the people out because they expected to use the kitchen and living room. Everyone wants to know that any interaction with you will always be built around your own petty and selfish desires.
Attack any decent behaviour
To be a real A-hole you have to attack everything decent or interesting in the world. This means everything from people who volunteer with the homeless to those who appreciate art and literature.
Attribution: Flickr - Isengardt
I once told someone about how myself and a group of friends had gone hiking under the supermoon. The only thing he could go on about after that was how stupid that was and how no one would ever want to do that. Of course he is the sort of person whose idea of a fun weekend is sitting on the sofa watching TV or maybe going to some horrible local chain restaurant (because they have really great food). Nice warning to learn never talk to that person about anything interesting.
Focus on what doesn't matter
There are people who believe that Barack Obama was born in Kenya. While such a fact would impact upon his right to be President of the United States the true A-hole will turn every debate into the claim that Obama is from Kenya. If you are really want to be horrible, talk only about irrelevant things and try to make them the whole issue.
Attribution: Flickr - David Blackwell.
I once compared a photo to the classic communist worker statues you see in places like China or the former Soviet Union. This A-hole's response of course was that capitalism is superior communism. Which of course had nothing to do with conversation at all. It is so easy to be horrible person by killing every conversation and sabotaging every discussion by talking about something other than what is being talked about.
Learn one useless fact about every topic
An easy way to spot an A-hole is how they have something useless to contribute to every topic even if it doesn't matter. Don't bother actually understanding the topic or having useful advice. All you need to do is find one thing to talk about which you can repeat with absolute authority and argue about.
These are the people who go on about not using comic sans font but have no graphic design skills, who talk about never ordering drinks with ice in a foreign country even though they never leave their resort hotel where everyone speaks English. One true a-hole I knew would go to Asian language clubs to meet Asian girls but didn't know the language. He would stop a conversation if you happened to use some simple word that he knew to explain that he knew that word or phrase.
Turn being an A-hole into a virtue
If you really want to be the sort of person others can't stand to be around, then turn all these horrible traits into something that you admire. This is not just about people who have a coffee mug that proclaims they are a bitch, it is about people who brag about how terrible they really are while also claiming that this is admirable.
Attribution: Flickr - Matt Reinbold
You know that person who gets jostled in the bar, starts a fight and is thrown out into the street, then tells everyone how great they are for doing this and that everyone should do the same. This is useful to know because everyone does some things that are not necessarily nice, but if we know you are proud of it and are never going to change then we can avoid you completely.
Being an A-Hole
Being an A-hole is pretty easy and I know all of you, including myself, have it in us to be horrible people that no-one likes. Follow the above advice and you can unleash your inner A-hole.